Dear Fashion,

I get it. We're never going to be good friends. I just don't think enough about how other people see me to hang out with you every day.

But we need to have a talk.

I attend formal functions. It's part of my job. I'm also what you would consider pudgy, dumpy and overweight. I'm mostly okay with this, because, well, I'm not changing anything and I don't like to be sad.

This idea you have that dressing skinny people is fun is nice for you but the formal functions I attend are also attended by other women. Most are not skinny. Most are squishy in lovely places. All of them, though - ALL of them are snarky.

Wrapping a red sheet around a model and making a shoulder poof is not going to cut it. I'm sure the young woman pictured is a lovely young lady but this is not what I consider your best effort.

My options, if one can even call them options, are:
1) Dresses designed for skinny people
2) Dresses designed to humiliate a bride's friends
3) not attending the function.

I've been a good sport about this. I've made the best of a bad situation. This has got to stop. We are going to work on a cease-fire and establish a no-man's land. I'm slowly backing away from you and towards my own sewing machine. I'm going to attempt to find a middle ground.

AND I'M GOING TO BE USING PROPER STRUCTURE AND FOUNDATIONS IN THESE THINGS. YOUR APPARENT LACK OF CONCERN FOR BONING AND GIRDLE NEEDS IS APPALLING.

Respectfully,
Moi