I'm honestly don't know why it came back with a vengeance. I'm wondering if it has something to do with the pill. I've been on it four days. I'm trying to control my menstruation for HLTA.
Every day is a struggle with everything - memory, emotion, etc. I don't like it.
The suicidal ideation is there. "What if I just swerved into the oncoming traffic?" "What if that semi pulled out and hit me?"
I lead an empty life. I wake up. I go to work. I come home. I kill time until I can't stand being awake any longer. I got to bed and can't quiet my thoughts enough to sleep soundly enough to feel rested.
The only reason I don't do something is because of Djruuh. Otherwise, I would shake things up and leave and run away. I can't do that now.
I feel stuck. I feel sad. I don't like this.
I cry every day right now.
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