Reasons I can't get married in the Catholic church

1. I don't believe in the church
2. "Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?" No. I won't.
3. I refuse, wholeheartedly, to 'Celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation'
4. I don't want to.
5. I don't like the current pastor
6. I don't really want a lot of people at this thing. (Mostly to avoid presents)
7. My idea of a wedding has less than 10 people at it and the reception held, if at all, over lunch.
8. I don't want to spend that kind of money on a wedding dress.
9. Don't even talk to me about "Ooo. You can buy a cheaper dress." No. Not if I'm looking good in a dress, I can't.
10. I don't want to spend that kind of money on a dress I will only wear once.
11. I'm not having some other asshole marry me. I will marry myself to my beloved and he will marry himself to me.
12. I have such huge issues with the institute of marriage, it isn't even funny.
13. Really? I need to continue this list?