When you said "I love you", it scared me a little because, as much as I think I'm likeable, I still find myself 'testing' people for rejection because of my eccentricities. I would love to be loved. I would love to be in love. I just fear rejection. Like, if you get to really know me, you might not like me anymore. I am a nice, good person. I try to see the good in everyone and accept them. My friends tell me I'm a nice person. I just think I could be better. And I hope you'll still like me (if you like me now) once you know my quirks and weirdness. And I'd really like to get to know each other quite, quite well.

I know it's a bit soon (and I hope not psycho) but, and I don't really know how to word this, I would like to date with intent. Explicit intent. I know that all dating carries some level of implicit intent. And I know that I'm totally over-thinking this. But I've traditionally been sort of bad at relationships and I don't know how they work or how they traditionally progress so I kind of make it up as I go along. Please give me feedback on our relationship both now and in the future. Tell me what you think and what you feel. Even if you don't know. It makes my chest tight when people are cagey and clam-up. When I ask questions, I'm not trying to *pry*, I genuinely want to know the answer because I'm interested and I like knowing stuff. Lots of stuff. Stuff other people consider unnecessary detail. I don't know if this is your nature or not, I just know that communicative reticence leads nowhere good in my head. If getting any information is like pulling hens' teeth, I can't take it. I get frustrated because I don't understand. I do not understand interpersonal relationships intuitively (on, like, an Aspergers level some days) and I've learned to ask questions because I want to learn how to be in relationship. I watched my parents' marriage fall apart because they did not talk to each other. There wasn't trust.

Trust is a huge deal for me. I want someone who is honest with me. Not on a cruel level but someone who doesn't hide things from me, lie to me (including lying by omission), or mislead me. I don't care what the answer is or what happened, as long as it's the truth. I am a loyal person. I will have your back 110%, until you breaks my trust. I want someone who will have my back all the way.

I know you are in a long-term, committed relationship with the Canadian Forces. I'd also like you to be in one with me. And, while I'm all about independence, I don't want to be lonely in a relationship. I know that it'll take some time to figure stuff out, but I feel frustrated sometimes by how loose the planning is. I have spent a fair amount of time over the past month waiting and guessing and that doesn't come naturally to me. I know that there is a certain amount of uncertainty in your schedule and life but please make plans with me sometimes. I kind of get that I will come second to work. But I can't live with being a far distant second. I want to spend time with you but, more importantly, I want you to want to spend time with me. I want to be important to you.

You send awfully mixed signals sometimes and I feel so confused. You are so attentive when we're together and then I won't hear from you for days. I don't mean to sound clingy and ridiculous but when I get stuck in my head, I start thinking in circles. I don't know if you have more experience than me with these things but I'm willing to work with you to figure out what works for us.

I promise to work hard to be in this relationship, if you will too. I also want to see Super Troopers sometime when I'm awake. And I would totally love to go to your brother's wedding if you would like me to.